A lot of people like to follow Mayan calendars, Nostradamus, the Age of Aquarius or have other eschatological beliefs; I have no quarrels against you people. It's perfectly fine to believe in the unknown inevitable, much like a child believes the Tooth Fairy comes and dryhumps them while they sleep (hey, as long as I get paid, you can put your Tooth Fairy poonani on my forehead as much as you want).
I'm a believer of a lesser-known eschatology called, "self-prophetism." Self-prophetism is where your dreams from the night become real in the day; as your dreams are fulfilled in succession, you better damn believe the world is coming to an end.
Case and point:
I had a dream where I was having sex with my engaged co-worker. The next day, I forced myself on her and got her pregnant. That next night, I woke up in a cold-sweat after having a terrible dream wherein my mistress "laid off" her unborn child. When I went into work, I proceeded to stomp on her ovaries so she was unable to birth my child. The same day, a 13th zodiac sign was added.
Uncanny, I know, but when dreams like this are fulfilled with such realistic execution I can't help but believe the apocalypse is upon us. We're drawing closer and closer to 2012 by the second, I suggest paying more attention to your dreams and start believing in your own prophecy.
Those who wish to know more about self-prophetism visit this link.
11/18/10
Pregnancy Scare
A buddy of mine burst into my room the other night sweating bullets. Instantly I thought he was trippin' on some drugs or maybe he just murdered someone; but to my dismay it turned out much worse.
He had gotten a girl pregnant.
Sitting down and lighting a cigarette, he starts ranting about how his life is over if the kid is his, how he's just a student without a job or a means of making any sort of income and about something else... Honestly, I stopped listening because I was pretty upset he didn't knock before bursting in. It's not like I was mid-jerk or anything like that, but I was definitely at that stage where you sit around contemplating a good jerk.
From what I gathered (I'm no doctor or anything), he has ten months to sweat the fact this kid might be his. That's a wasted year in my books.
I love unprotected sex as much as the next guy, but how inconvenient can you get ladies?
Humans are the best species, we've dominated this to that and everything in between. My question is simple:
Why haven't we made the pregnancy shorter?
We've gotten to an age where our internet is so fast I can't even get my pants off before Sasha Grey loads on my screen. So why're still waiting around for children?
Learning things from other animals is quite valuable to humans... And it seems as though I'm the only one who sees this value.
I started fucking eastern barred bandicoots after I had come across an interesting tidbit of information. Their pregnancy lasts twelve days, which so happens to be the perfect amount of time for this season.
Not only is it a short pregnancy, but bandicoots are fuckin' awesome in bed. Oh, and here's another plus... If the baby has no human qualities you're not a daddy, and if it does have human qualities? Free bandicoot/human pet.
Sorry ladies, I'm not into raw-doggin' you anymore. I'm into raw-cootin' now.
I just feel that the minute-and-a-half in paradise doesn't stack up to the year of stress. I can handle twelve days just for givin' a bandicoot a creampie; that's less than two weeks.
Just want to end this post with a shoutout to Jordan K., I hope everything works out with the girl and the kid man. <3
He had gotten a girl pregnant.
Sitting down and lighting a cigarette, he starts ranting about how his life is over if the kid is his, how he's just a student without a job or a means of making any sort of income and about something else... Honestly, I stopped listening because I was pretty upset he didn't knock before bursting in. It's not like I was mid-jerk or anything like that, but I was definitely at that stage where you sit around contemplating a good jerk.
From what I gathered (I'm no doctor or anything), he has ten months to sweat the fact this kid might be his. That's a wasted year in my books.
I love unprotected sex as much as the next guy, but how inconvenient can you get ladies?
Humans are the best species, we've dominated this to that and everything in between. My question is simple:
Why haven't we made the pregnancy shorter?
We've gotten to an age where our internet is so fast I can't even get my pants off before Sasha Grey loads on my screen. So why're still waiting around for children?
Learning things from other animals is quite valuable to humans... And it seems as though I'm the only one who sees this value.
I started fucking eastern barred bandicoots after I had come across an interesting tidbit of information. Their pregnancy lasts twelve days, which so happens to be the perfect amount of time for this season.
Not only is it a short pregnancy, but bandicoots are fuckin' awesome in bed. Oh, and here's another plus... If the baby has no human qualities you're not a daddy, and if it does have human qualities? Free bandicoot/human pet.
Sorry ladies, I'm not into raw-doggin' you anymore. I'm into raw-cootin' now.
I just feel that the minute-and-a-half in paradise doesn't stack up to the year of stress. I can handle twelve days just for givin' a bandicoot a creampie; that's less than two weeks.
Just want to end this post with a shoutout to Jordan K., I hope everything works out with the girl and the kid man. <3
9/19/10
Quickie
My friend Tina asked me, "If I could go back in time and bang anyone, who would I bang?"
I wasn't gunna lie; I told her I'd go back and bang her mother, so when she called me "daddy" in bed it'd be more believable.
I wasn't gunna lie; I told her I'd go back and bang her mother, so when she called me "daddy" in bed it'd be more believable.
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