An important thing #2

So we all know the first important thing I wrote about, sandwiches, was a short, sweet little blurb of relentless truth.  Sandwiches are honestly the perfect food especially if a woman makes it for you while she's naked.  However, the next important thing I've to discuss cannot be made better by a woman.  In fact, the next important thing is a delicate matter a woman can easily destroy with her nagging.  The next important thing is shitting.

Now I try my hardest not to fall into that subcategory of pseudo-chauvinistic pricks who love reciting things they learned from the Alphabet of Manliness (I'm an actual chauvinistic prick who has a respect for Maddox).  But I can't help but agree with everything that literary masterpiece happens to share and take a special liking to a specific point.  Taking a dump is probably one of the greatest things a man can accomplish.

But what the book didn't capture was the importance of taking a doodoo.  Men have three basic modes: eat, sleep and shit.  When dropping a turdmonkey is 1/3 of all your modes you need to realize its importance.

The way I see it is men need to accomplish at least five manly things each day or else they'll become a JK.  Shitting is a manly thing you can do every day to help meet your quota.

The best part?

If you've mastered shooting the asscannon as I have, you can butterslide the toilet five times a day and be in the clear.  This is only allowed because shitting is the cornerstone of mankind.

Taking a dump is the most subtle obvious thing you can do.  If you walk into a bathroom and lock the door behind you chances are you're sphinter-dragon is breathing some brown fire.  However, it is not so overwhelming that it'll consume your time.  The toilet is called the throne for a reason because when a man sits on it, he becomes a king.  He can theorize, culture himself, break up with a girlfriend via text message and also call him mother.  In other words, men enjoy shitting because they are optimizing their time while they sit down; they have complete peace to organize themselves, read, et cetera. 

Here are a few things you can do while on the toilet:

1. Plot murder.
2. Beat God of War on the PSP.
3. Write this blog.
4. Masturbate.
5. Nap.
6. Fart as loud as you want and not be nagged.
7. Grow facial hair.
8. Masturbate.

Those are just a few suggestions to get your imagination going.  Anywho, it's time to wipe so I'm gunna end this post.  There's your second important thing.