The Beef 'n' Cheddar fiasco.

So, just as a preamble to this story I want to express my love for Arby's.  It's unhealthy, it's delicious, and it's also a guaranteed trip to the toilet.  In other words, it's perfection.

Because Arby's dominates all other fast-food chains it has to have a sandwich that dominates all the other competition.  McDonalds has a Big Mac, BK has the Whopper, Wendy's has the Baconator; so what does Arby's have to combat this stiff competition?

Ladies and gentlemen, the Beef 'n' Cheddar.

Not only does it follow my sandwich theory, it builds upon it.  It's not some generic burger, it has a real "special" sauce (unlike Mac sauce which is just thousand island dressing), and it has onion bread.  Even the bread has been taken into special consideration.  There is nothing better than sinking your teeth into this food and just letting those sauces and juices ease on down your throat...  Damn.

Now that I've defined my love for this sandwich, I want to now express my hate for stupid ass hoes.  SAHs are those chicks who get attached to their boyfriends right away, the kind that'll do anything to stick with you.  SAHs are fun and all, they put out early and make for some crazy ass times.  However, when you're done with them they are not ready to end the symbiotic relationship.  They have a dependency on you now, and you need to take some drastic ass measures to get rid of them.

Needless to say, this story is about me not being drastic enough.

I was dating this extremely sexual girl.  You know the kind that puts out and puts on if you buy dinner or hold open a door?  Easy stuff, really.  Anyway, I had my fun with her until she started hinting at me that she was feeling a little bit more than a dating-level friendship.  So I cut it off before anything escalated to the point of me being cornered and forced into saying things I don't mean (yes, you women are devious creatures).  I didn't do it angrily, nor did I do it stern enough for her to understand I don't even want to speak to her anymore. 

A few days pass and I have to deal with her constant texting and calling to try to "work things out."  There's nothing there hun, I didn't have any butterflies in my stomach (contrary to what I might've lied about).

Now before this story continues realize that she started showing SAH signals before I even laid eyes on her cash and prizes, it was pretty one-sided physically. 

So there I was eating a Beef 'n' Cheddar in my room, thoroughly enjoying the fantastic experience when there goes my phone vibrating.

1 New Media Message.

"Oh, a picture."  I think to myself.

One hand is occupied with the phone while the other is dealing with God's food, I flip my phone open and take a good look at what I see.  It was unclear at first, it was a distortment of colors I couldn't comprehend, or it could've been my brain trying to save me from the sight. 

I read the caption to straighten my thoughts. 

"If you leave me, you'll be missing out on this."

Folks, I say this now...  The eyes are the windows to your soul.  I support this statement 100%, because when I realized what I was looking at my very soul cringed.  It seemed as though I was staring at not one but two Arby's Beef 'n' Cheddars, however one has a much messier bite taken from it.  Both images, the real and the digital, fell to the floor and I sat shocked.

She won.  At the cost of our relationship, I now have to feast on a Double Quarter-pounder with Mac Sauce and cheese for I will never sink my teeth into an Arby's Beef 'n' Cheddar again.